My Own Earth Hour
Written by Michelle Malkin
Tonight at 8:30 p.m. EDT, my house is going to be lit up brighter than Perth, Australia when John Glenn flew over in Friendship 7. Here’s why…
Another “Earth Hour” is upon us. This is the night we’re supposed to turn off all our lights in solidarity with… darkness, or something. It’s also symbolic of a desire to “take action on global climate change.”
I tend to get a little offended at these kinds of things. For one, in my house, we celebrate Earth Hour every day. We don’t leave lights on in rooms that nobody is in. We keep the thermostat fairly low (mostly because I’m usually too hot). We carpool when possible. We don’t waste gas. We pick up trash alongside the road when we’re walking. We volunteer to clean up the riverwalk, and we plant trees because we like trees — not because we’ve fooled ourselves into believing that planting trees is helping make Streisand’s environmentally-unfriendly concert tours carbon-neutral.
As such, I tend to get a little put off when being preached to by fat cats who swim in their own heated pools, travel in private jets, heat mansions they’re not even living in for months at a time and ride in limo caravans to speeches to tell the rest of us how our Chevy Cobalts, lawn mowers, hamburgers and light bulbs are killing the planet.
Additionally, I refuse to acknowledge, symbolically or otherwise, that electricity is the problem and that civilization can be saved by turning itself into North Korea for any length of time. The harnessing of electricity is among the greatest discoveries ever. It’s helped make the world safer and more sanitary. Electricity runs the equipment that is used to make the medicine that saves lives. It runs the cameras that allow us to see evils that are being perpetuated around the world that we might not have otherwise known about — except in North Korea, where you can’t see crimes at night because Earth Hour is mandatory 365 days a year. The list goes on. We should be celebrating electricity instead of pretending it’s some sort of cancer that needs to be cut out of our lives.
Somebody on Facebook’s Earth Hour 2010 page actually wrote, “I can’t wait to turn everything off tonight!” Well why don’t you just turn everything off now then, Tesla?
After Earth Hour is over, I pledge to turn my lights off for a full eight hours or so, just like we do every night, no doubt while Al Gore’s pool filter is still whirring away and outdoor flood lights protect his property. But during Earth Hour, we’ll have so many lights on that my family will have tan lines by the time the 60 minutes is up. I realize I’ll probably get hit with an Obamacare tanning bed tax, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.
Quarterback Tom Brady and his supermodel wife, Gisele Bündchen, have also joined the crusade to turn off our lights — just not during one of the Patriots night games at Gillette Stadium that goes through enough electricity to power my house until well into the 24th century:
And certainly don’t shut those lights off at one of Gisele’s photo shoots — however, if we did, we might be able to extend the life of the polar ice caps by at least a decade:
My own theory for the thinking behind Earth Hour is that Al Gore and his fellow enviro-scammers have settled on going dark as the single best way to make sure nobody can see them pick-pocketing the world.